What makes it really interesting about depression that some fake it? What makes it important that people love to say, “I am depressed, it sucks!” In actuality, what is depression?
Depression is a master in disguising.
It’s been so long since I wanted to write again on this topic to just make myself feel that I need to take it out of my chest. The more I try to make clear sentences, it jumbles a bit and makes it feel too forced out. But to talk about depression in my experience makes it too personal also.
So, erasing and writing again for the umpteenth time, I have decided to let my mind do the talking and edit when I am done.
You see, a person going through depression doesn’t like to address her issue like depression. Or to talk about her issues to someone and say, ‘you see, I am depressed’.
But, this person can get easily irritated when somehow she finds the confidence to talk about her mind, the listener interjects with her own sad stories or one or two sad incidents from her life and casually end it with, “I am depressed.”
Like a switch being off, her mind clicks and goes to a blank phase.
Whatever that is being said by the other person is not recorded into her mind, and the talker finds this non-responsive stare or emotionless hums annoying. The end will be mostly, an accusation thrown at her. Here her being the victim! The accusation gets registered properly and like a favourite song being replayed in a loop, the sentence or word gets played in a loop; which makes her even more miserable.
Sometimes life is not a fair game.
And now, if she speaks her mind, it will come out as harsh, cold, abrasive or heartless.
She might have only have said what is going through her mind, which she thought was the right thing to say. But, suddenly her words came out wrong or was met with wrong ears. The ability to speak and be bold about it is ripped out from her.
Afterwards, every time she opens her mouth, it will be careful, calculated or robotic. She could feel the hypocrisy in her words but wouldn’t dare to change it in fear of more accusation thrown at her, which to her is a kind of embarrassing situation that will haunt her for a lifetime.
Or if her heart was set to be, ‘I will be who I am, what I am, and I don’t care what others are going to say’; the next person she meets will make her believe that what others are going to say is the only important thing that we have to face.
A depressed person is the most misunderstood people in the word.
A person going through depression or similar conditions, will find communicating or trying to speak their thoughts difficult. Not because they don’t know how to talk, write or pronounce words; but because their mind is a jigsaw puzzle with million pieces scattered across her entire universe making it a herculean task to explain even the simplest of things.
Or if she had the courage to speak. And she did. The accomplished smile shines on her face, making her feel proud of herself; but the listener might have heard it in a negative way and argued to differ. Or it was simply met with disregarding ears. Or was exclaimed as atrocious. Or was laughed at. Which further rips her confidence into ashes.
Not always, a depressed person is misunderstood. But once when someone comes and say, ‘I can understand,’ her fear escalates and pushes the opportunity to be free, far away from her. And the person being pushed away remains pushed away. Not everyone has the time or commitment to make a change.
Well, not everyone is meant to be in our life.
Some, come and go while some, come and find a way to stick by our side.
And I wish that everyone get a chance in this universe to be happy. And everyone who is secretly fighting depression finds a reason in their life that will make them forget what depression is. Yeah, yeah, I get it… unconventional talking… but I am a person who believes in ‘nothing is impossible’.
So yea lets cross fingers and hope for miracles.
Rant will continue…
Sorry if this is really boring. I really wanted to get some of it out from me. If you read it, please do comment and tell me what your expieriences are.