My hurt inside.

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From the moment I opened my eyes- no that wont be as intense as I know the depth. From where I could remember the color has been black, or grey and white… I wondered if this was what others see too.

I have heard many of my friends say they are depressed and are hurt like me, the moment I hear that I wonder if they are going through the situation of encircling visions and gum bursting dreams of affliction. They seems to be seeping pain through poetry with words of wonder. I search through their depths and find the sorrow, but my words doesn’t even gain that strength to throw some light for the hurt. I try to imitate others and when I fail I realize I’m not them, so I write in my own perspective and hear, it was not so good. I don’t mean to intensify the critics that hurt me, but my own feeling cutting deep scars even when I say, “Honest critics are appreciated”. Again, am not complaining about the words, but the feeling I go through when I know that I have failed again.

Life always helped me to find moments of embarrassment and failure. When I look back to find the flashbacks, I see the one where I have failed or moreover, when I am laughed at. I roll my tongue to bite the end, slap my head and blink my eyes. I smile at myself for those memories but with tears prickling my eye-lids and I not allowing them to fall down to tranquility. I tie them back with my eyelashes and I fake a smile. I wrote this feeling in my poem “I Smiled”…….. Poetically speaking it is not raw, but it is from my raw heart.

I question faith but what has faith got to do when all that matters is from the God, who summoned us. No use of questioning him as he own the right and we only need to follow. When we are not following him, he punishes us. Everyone will be having different notion to say about what I said right now, but this is what I believe. And I trust my experience. And, this doesn’t mean I am not gonna listen what others have to say. So, I let them be as it is.

All that is left if the thing called HOPE, or is it an emotion. I’m not sure, but that is the only element that throw some light against the obscure curls of faith….But, like I read somewhere, “hopes die last”

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13 thoughts on “My hurt inside.

    1. Hi, I am so glad to find my new comment and the award mention send me soaring over cloud nine. I am astonished and blissfully contempt. But regarding the rules, I am a little bit confused. i am definitely new and struggling to find how can I like others post, how can I follow others, how I create a page and submit into it. I hope you will help me answer my question. Now I made myself a fool, yiekesss….But I have no other way but to ask this dumb questions.. *nerd* 🙂

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      1. I am glad it had such an uplifting effect on you and brought smiles to your life 🙂 No worries about it! To find other new bloggers, you can search for “zerotohero” under the tags bar and it will bring you to new and aspiring bloggers like us! For the creating of page wise, all you got to do is to start a new post entitled the Liebster Awards! It’s far from perfect, but perhaps you can refer to mine if it’s any help! No dumb questions 🙂

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  1. This is beautiful!
    Thank you for following my http://kerisjournal.wordpress.com
    blog!
    Hey, I wanted to share something with you that might bring you more readers because you should have a zillion!!!! If you go to your profile and link your blog address to it, you can be found a lot easier. I found you because you found me first. But lets say someone sees your comment on another blog, and they like something you said, when they click on your photo (gravatar) it takes you to your profile and some photos but no address to find your blog. I have figured out that sometimes if I like someone and try to find them, I can cut and paste their name and add wordpress.com after it, but it doesn’t always work and not everyone will go to the trouble of doing that or knows how to do it. So if you want more followers, that is just a little hint that helped me. I am not sure why wordpress still doesn’t make it very clear to new bloggers but hope that helps. If you need more info I will go and try to find a great piece of HOW TO create your link on your gravatar! I have it on my blog in my archives somewhere.
    Have a great day and thank you for the follow!
    xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Umm,so if you go to gravatar, you cannot find my website link? Hmm, you know for new bloggers WordPress is headache. But I think I will need you to do that favor of finding me how to make people see me.

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  2. YOU DID IT! GREAT! I asked a friend to send you something so he still might… so that is what that is all about if you get something… lol.. running late… gotta go to work!
    Glad we connected!
    xoxo

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  3. Thanks so much for following my blog! I am glad to read you decided not to try to write like other bloggers – you have your own clear voice, and that is what I like to hear. Hope is a hard thing to destroy, so I think it will stick with you. Keep posting!

    Liked by 1 person

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