Apple tart melody and salted pillows as the stage- Meditation Fail.

 

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I tried meditating in the sun, pouring through dusty slits of defiance; while I let myself soak in the morning grace of Sunday’s profanity. Its bread and blasphemy for breakfast with a little bit of bitter truth, for syrup, you know. I don’t know how it’s supposed to be, but I close my eyes irritated by the incessant knocking of unmelodious belch that needed to move out from my dormitory. I didn’t let it go. I gulped down fresh breath of cheerfulness and rotated my head like a slow song. My eyes fluttered.

Is this how serenity’s supposed to be? With angry ringtones in the tip of my throat croaking ugly sonnets throughout the day while I tried to capture as much positivity that the universe’s throwing around. Well, I guess today is not my day to earn myself a tan. I once again tie my knot and sit straight with head poised like a statue wondering how long I should be seated like this to embrace solace.

Once, inside the tranquility, I guess… it will ease my tent and let loose the parachute in the wind. I don’t know where this is moving me, but I guess it has to reach somewhere the sky is always periwinkle and clouds soft as cotton candy. I ignore the dancing dust particles that look happy with the only attention they get when in the strip of lemon syrup. I blow hard; hard enough to disrupt their slow pacing around like elegant ballerinas. I did not open my eyes. I smiled.

I listen to the slow rotation of the minute needle. Like it’s taking a stroll in the greenest garden. I wanted to open my eyes and search for the finish point in which I will get my bag of crayons so that I can set to paint the future in one straight line and add too many colors for happiness. I deliberately ignored black and banished grays. I, also do not need white, since I am all done with stippling freckles in place of where the wetness have left stains. I am all done with jumping from this tense to that sense, since, I can never stay in one place. I seriously need that red dot to focus but all I see are too many happy specks dancing around. Some, even giggling.

I sigh, then open my eyes, slump shoulders, uncross legs, and roll my eyes at the decision of heart to relax. I dared to look up at the waltzing needles and gape wide… it has been only fifteen minutes since I sat down, dwindling in the strong morning rays. So much for peace and optimism. I threw my yoga mat and boosted the rotund fat belly of a black liar and shook my hips to the blazing tunes whilst I let it go in the shower.

Whoops, its wedding season here!

Featured Image -- 209Note to myself, this pic here!:D

True to my word, it is marriage season here in my part of the world. 😀 And I am seriously wondering how am I going to attend it all. It started from last week and it drags on to the last day of December and if I am right, I am sure I have a marriage in January.

wow, right?

Nope!

seriously, nope! Since I am already in the fat department, from the moment I can remember my body! may I add! All the food and wonders will only gain weight to my already weighted body and seriously, I am not entirely excited about all these marriages!

I mean, its fun, and its free food! But other than that, I have to face the mocking faces, the stupid questions, indirect insults on my body and direct mockery to the food I eat! Dang, I am one body shielding from too many bodies. Damn, I need the energy.

Though I have been fat my entire life and I am twenty-two now, so yea! Long period, and my dream, the foremost dream was to experience how it is to be slim! WOW, big ambition, yes, it is! I don’t want to be a doctor, I don’t want to be a business legend! I want to experience how it is to be slim and dress casually without fearing the bulging eye under my arms, on my belly and two pillars of my thighs! So, what was I gonna say!? Yes, though I have been fat my entire life and have been enjoying people’s damn comments on my body… I am strong and never… I repeat, never droop my head low and cry because of my fate.

I am fat, big deal! You are thin, so? So… If there are any people who are sorry for themselves for being fat… STOP PITYING YOURSELF! If you are fat because you can’t keep your mouth shut from fattening foods, then I should say, you really need to consider yourself! I am not blaming you not mocking you or anything. I am just saying you have a chance to be beyoutiful and healthy at the same time. It’s awesome to be yourself but it’s dope to be healthy and yourself, right?! I am sorry, I am not good at getting my points in the right directions! SO, don’t feel offended or anything! I am overly fat, so I know how it feels to stuff that next mouthful and promising that we will stop right then! 😉 I am in the unfortunate few who are fat from the beginning and have never been able to shed at least a few!  I think I am having some kind of virus to gain fat every few weeks :)) But trying is the new synonym for success! 😉

SO, where were we? Marriage! Yes. The holy night of squeezing two souls into one!

SO, yea, let me enjoy the colors, the mockery, the food and definitely the comments, “I will be single my whole life if I won’t shed some weight” Like that’s your concern granny gi!

Ciao, I am blessed to have my secret moments of ranting since I may be a huge blob of fat, but I am certainly not a superhuman who can stuff all the emotions in!

Thanks for listening to me Blog! I love you 🙂

What will I do then???

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Its been a while since I have posting something actually talking apart from my poetry! And I am seeing many likes but not comments, I hope you all love it to keep pushing that button..

From a very young age itself, I have been fatty and still continues to saunter in the extra curves. Every time I read the weight loss stuffs, I prepare myself to “yes, this is it, Now on….” blah blah…

But, I can’t say I have not tried, Yes, I have tried…..

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Its sometimes very confusing to take a map and go behind it, if its a print out from the WEB, yes, while frantically searching for tips that I can go on…..I got a page in one site, asking me to drink plenty of water and go exercise and the same page that comes under the Google search says, we should not exercise with empty stomach as it hurts our metabolism.. Haha, I had a good laugh back then… Next, I see that empty stomach exercising is good plus you have to do it with a heavy breakfast after and in another one with a light breakfast before and after to go with the exercise….With my migraine and fat my physical training sir in college asked me to not to do hard exercise and not to skip meals, while a trainer in google search asks me to go exactly the opposite.

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One thing what I have decided is that, I will myself try all those in terms that won’t physically hurt me and guess what, drinking wheat porridge and fasting in the Islamic way has helped me burn a few calories and reduce the extra curves. its been a while since I tried to reduce my weight and yearning zero results as per going through the advice of googling…. Now, if you wanna know my trick in reducing I will tell you, but, again you have the right to pick or ditch, as per your metabolism and physic 🙂

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I eat banana as it helps me with my acidic stomach plus gas trouble. I don’t like oats and so it give me trouble and so, I eat wheat porridge which I pour out considerable amount of starch in it and pour hot water to make it light. If you have prepared wheat porridge you will know that the starch in wheat makes it thick and milky, so removing from the pressure cooker, I pour out the starch water and pour in hot water. You can do the same 🙂 I eat dates, dried figs and drink water and took fast in the Islamic way, I hope you know it..Abstaining from food and water from the dawn till dusk 🙂 It helped me and so after the month of Ramadan, I am continuing the practice taking intervals.

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I still haven’t got a remedy from Migraine and so I let it be with drinking water. images (13)

This was a piece of my heart as a diary entry concerning my doubts and findings…..Please read and don’t forget to tell me what you think after reading 🙂

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Until, then ciao ciao! 🙂

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