Depression | Part 2

Dear silent lover, 

For whoever, it may concern as I cannot form a shape or name to the image of something so constant in my life. And I address you dear for the fear you left me bubbling in the pit of my enclosed perimeter, where I built walls so that no one can access it; but here you are. With a smile so pure, that venom drips from the corner, tinkling my innermost rivulet, to let go of the emotions that I have bundled up in a reservoir that has a limit before it might explode.

I have forgotten the hang of writing letters, or poetry for that matter. But the more I am with you, in the shadows of a full moon night; I get to feel the birds ringing in my cerebrum. The warmth your care provides endangers me to give up and roll in the blanket of your quirky laughter and just… be. 

For millenniums, I have become a sculpture for your love to be moulded into the shape you want. Now, that I am what you wish for… I suddenly became your reason to be rapturous; while I tarnish the image of being good and morbidly happy.

For you, I have let my guard die in front of my own eyes and the stippling kisses leave an everlasting mark on my skin, so pure, so real; that I can’t believe when it’s over, I can still feel you and nothing in the form of words can I ever describe. 

Dear dearest, take me, leave me naked and bare me to the stars above and leave me in the bed of roses for your anger to be unleashed and be finished with this demurring ecstasy. 

For I am nothing but a petal in the eyes of you to be fallen in love over and over again, even though I doubt if I will ever be good enough.

Dear anxiety, depression, sadness, loneliness, and all things ugly but great teachers… I present you this!

Advertisements

Depression|Part 1

sunset love lake resort
Photo by Jim Jackson on Pexels.com

Depression.

What is the meaning of the word depression? I don’t know. There is no definition that I am happy with. There is no fit explanation that shall define depression in a single line.

Depression is a multi-emotional drama. Just like our fingers and fingerprint varies; the emotional value and features associated with depression varies.

It’s no big secret that people who are going through depression are… misunderstood, mocked, belittled and ignored. 

When a certain feeling triggers the mind of a depressed person; he or she is in a state of frenzy. A state of mind that makes it a ‘live or die’ moment. They might be drowning while everyone else is perfectly swimming. Or they might be burning when the temperature for that day was fixated as normal and pleasant. 

They might be in a fit of emotion that the first thing, most of them approach is food. Comfort food. Those who misunderstand eating disorder should really understand that Eating disorder is not a preference. They are not enjoying the moment they indulge in an unhealthy eating spree. 

The first thing you should understand from the pattern of a depressed person eating is that; they are not civilized, there is no portion control and they are like robots who don’t know when and how to stop. The brain doesn’t register. All the brain knows and feels at the moment is a comfort. A state of ‘lie’ that makes the body feel oblivious to the feeling of anxiety.

However, as soon as they come into their mind; it is too late. The stomach cramp along with the guilt in losing their control makes them feel worse about themselves. And they enter into a period of nothingness.

Simply nothing. They don’t feel anything. They don’t get up in time. Doesn’t sleep in time. Doesn’t sleep on time. A state of utter shock and confusion.

While they are slowly climbing back up the stairs to feel an atom of sanity; the world had already moved a millennium away. Looking around; everything feels different and everyone has reached a point in their life which was their dream.

And what happened to the dream of the said depressed person? They didn’t have one. The one they had; got lost in the basic to-do list they had to complete. For example… take a bath.

••• silver sanity •••

 

user img
the doors to my cathedral
were open with haunting symphony
echoing in between
galaxies and hallucinations

I bathe in silver beam
as the sun spits out monochromatic
drool of endless summer

but

the sweet divination
of the moon
in between cold burst of silent synergy
had me gasping
underneath myriad of stars;
surfacing
with a new wave of energy

Faded

Related image

there is a poem
inside my bones,
wriggling
to let go…
the metaphors
plays a master plot,
in water coloring the secrets
on my skin;

I feel the waves
crashing inside my ribcage
as I search
the direction where your footprints faded

for eons
I held my breath
and now that you cut off the string;
I was let go
like an untied balloon.

blackened blankness

lighted candle
Photo by Rahul on Pexels.com

glass floor
crack as I waltz with the moonbeams
singing songs of
broken wings and fire

the age of growing up
receded, leaving me breathless
with no dreams

barren, I
wake up with charcoal stains on my face
and run-down crimson welts

a pretty distraught sight
to greet morning to

yet,
the morning song
remains the same,

with punctured lyrics
and dismantled refrains

a song
too lethargic to wake
me up

Dejection (NaPoMo 6)

user img
for the last decade
of my screams,
I have forgotten the hang
of how words
can echo back
to the ossuary-
wherein lies my battered self;
bleeding wet cacophony
on the gravestones
of my suicidal whims…

…In that old castle of haunted prayers…

pexels-photo-276092.jpeg

the stipples left too many
odd spots on the ground,
where once hummed hymns
echoed boundlessly
as I ran my fingers
through the pews of disregarded hopes.

woken up
by the tune of old piano
that coughed up dust at first
and then blindly regarded my
beating heart.

enchanted
bewitched

candles flickered
eerily,
like shadows of long forgotten memories
danced in the gloomy sun

each footstep
christened the damned spirits
who followed my tempo

each second fell like dust
onto paper
as I crafted words
that flew around;
songs meant to be sung
and vows meant to keep.

I mercilessly ignited sleeping phantoms,
and watched how the
musical notes possessed me to laugh
in the forgotten channels of mysteries
and how the silence laughed with me.

sometimes
the best-sung songs are hidden beneath smiles
in the most deserted alleys of life