Depression|Part 1

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Depression.

What is the meaning of the word depression? I don’t know. There is no definition that I am happy with. There is no fit explanation that shall define depression in a single line.

Depression is a multi-emotional drama. Just like our fingers and fingerprint varies; the emotional value and features associated with depression varies.

It’s no big secret that people who are going through depression are… misunderstood, mocked, belittled and ignored. 

When a certain feeling triggers the mind of a depressed person; he or she is in a state of frenzy. A state of mind that makes it a ‘live or die’ moment. They might be drowning while everyone else is perfectly swimming. Or they might be burning when the temperature for that day was fixated as normal and pleasant. 

They might be in a fit of emotion that the first thing, most of them approach is food. Comfort food. Those who misunderstand eating disorder should really understand that Eating disorder is not a preference. They are not enjoying the moment they indulge in an unhealthy eating spree. 

The first thing you should understand from the pattern of a depressed person eating is that; they are not civilized, there is no portion control and they are like robots who don’t know when and how to stop. The brain doesn’t register. All the brain knows and feels at the moment is a comfort. A state of ‘lie’ that makes the body feel oblivious to the feeling of anxiety.

However, as soon as they come into their mind; it is too late. The stomach cramp along with the guilt in losing their control makes them feel worse about themselves. And they enter into a period of nothingness.

Simply nothing. They don’t feel anything. They don’t get up in time. Doesn’t sleep in time. Doesn’t sleep on time. A state of utter shock and confusion.

While they are slowly climbing back up the stairs to feel an atom of sanity; the world had already moved a millennium away. Looking around; everything feels different and everyone has reached a point in their life which was their dream.

And what happened to the dream of the said depressed person? They didn’t have one. The one they had; got lost in the basic to-do list they had to complete. For example… take a bath.

Woman

pexels-photo-596824.jpeg

intuition
catastrophic reverberation
falling syllables
moving highways

her words are lost
and
found in hurricanes,

her silence deepens
the moment
her heart withdraws

you may not realize
how hard she tries
to remain in the shadows
and not let her scars shine

you may not understand
how hard her lips quiver
how fast her fingers move
to take down the traitorous tears

grace
lipsticks stains
more
mac contour

love
left out loud
hate
halted in the right signs

you have to look
the right way
to see her inner shine

you have to capture
the right angle
to see her perfect smile

she is a woman
a warrior
a girl

she is a lady
a sweetheart
a girl

she is woman
a weak bud
strong stem

she is me
and her
and us
it’s I
if you don’t mind…