…and my cries died in the wails of nature’s misery…

 

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I am bound by the cartilage of winter’s eerily molded teardrops that drop once in a while as if a reminder pinning on my eyelashes saying, careful- my family’s on the way to cheer you up this dull gray morning.

As if that doesn’t deprive me of the beautiful things that I could be but didn’t choose to.

The dawn does weep Christmas wishes and I hear laughter echoing through the plain walls of my house, from miles apart; and the unmistakable giggling of over enthusiastic children.

My heart couldn’t bear anymore the rhyming of two rhythmic soul’s catapulting in each other’s calligraphic aura through rosy hues.

I draw unbroken heart shapes in the breath of ‘nature’s’ long echoing sigh on my bleary window but was easily mastered by another wave of agonizing misery of her wailings.

I lost the last heart again.

And after umpteenth effort, I stretch my sleeves hard enough to cover my finger tips listening numbly to the ripping of my heart. This sweater covering my feeble body from the desecrated cold has seen its better days. So, I ignore her protest in wanting to cover my fingers.

Somehow I feel like a mannequin stuck inside a clock; unable to move without being slapped by the needles.

And you are a parchment paper in which I have written my suicide notes as a will to the roses that have stopped whispering my name in your hands… but you give me them anyways since you can’t bear the thought of the thorn piercing into your bones, tattooing my tragedy.

Dear silence, bid me farewell to the moon where shadows don’t backbite and bicker.

Let me paint melancholy in the desolate part of the night sky and die a bluish death… so that I can smile happily believing that I just stopped becoming a story as the ink died in my veins.

Hello blog.

 
I’m not sure what am I supposed to write today. No, I don’t know what I should ever write. There is too much to say in my mind. Not to someone, you see. I mean the things that I want to say is not to someone but myself.
You see, people are strange creatures. No matter how hard we try to impress, they mock us. No matter how pressingly we address the issue, there will be something to put us to shame. No matter how hard you try to express your emotions; whatever it may be, sadness, grief, guilt, anger, pain…. no matter what emotions… they either act as if they understood or they might give us the pity stare and then they will laugh behind our back.

So, I have stopped talking and started being silly and laughing queen. So, you know what they say about me? I am so happy… ok, I can live with that. But they also say, ‘she is so stupid. Why can’t she act her age?‘ wow!¡ That’s… wow…

I just don’t know blog… life is too damn straight at times that er just go with the flow and suddenly we alone are hit with a huge barricade and we are forced to see… everyone else that was with me; to climb the mountain and reach somewhere. But for me? I am forced to take the helluva roller coaster ride with damn too many twists and turn.

Sometimes, I just quit… I just can’t.

And when I read about articles that should help me… I am confused even more. Not satisfied. How am I supposed to create positive thinking and live with it when all I ever have is bad… bad thoughts?

But no matter how horrible the day and life may be… I have learned to smile and laugh in the end and then cry when I am in the darkness; alone.

Life can be as bad as anything but I will go on as long as I can tape the broken pieces of my heart together.

Meet you again blogg 🙂

Whoops, its wedding season here!

Featured Image -- 209Note to myself, this pic here!:D

True to my word, it is marriage season here in my part of the world. 😀 And I am seriously wondering how am I going to attend it all. It started from last week and it drags on to the last day of December and if I am right, I am sure I have a marriage in January.

wow, right?

Nope!

seriously, nope! Since I am already in the fat department, from the moment I can remember my body! may I add! All the food and wonders will only gain weight to my already weighted body and seriously, I am not entirely excited about all these marriages!

I mean, its fun, and its free food! But other than that, I have to face the mocking faces, the stupid questions, indirect insults on my body and direct mockery to the food I eat! Dang, I am one body shielding from too many bodies. Damn, I need the energy.

Though I have been fat my entire life and I am twenty-two now, so yea! Long period, and my dream, the foremost dream was to experience how it is to be slim! WOW, big ambition, yes, it is! I don’t want to be a doctor, I don’t want to be a business legend! I want to experience how it is to be slim and dress casually without fearing the bulging eye under my arms, on my belly and two pillars of my thighs! So, what was I gonna say!? Yes, though I have been fat my entire life and have been enjoying people’s damn comments on my body… I am strong and never… I repeat, never droop my head low and cry because of my fate.

I am fat, big deal! You are thin, so? So… If there are any people who are sorry for themselves for being fat… STOP PITYING YOURSELF! If you are fat because you can’t keep your mouth shut from fattening foods, then I should say, you really need to consider yourself! I am not blaming you not mocking you or anything. I am just saying you have a chance to be beyoutiful and healthy at the same time. It’s awesome to be yourself but it’s dope to be healthy and yourself, right?! I am sorry, I am not good at getting my points in the right directions! SO, don’t feel offended or anything! I am overly fat, so I know how it feels to stuff that next mouthful and promising that we will stop right then! 😉 I am in the unfortunate few who are fat from the beginning and have never been able to shed at least a few!  I think I am having some kind of virus to gain fat every few weeks :)) But trying is the new synonym for success! 😉

SO, where were we? Marriage! Yes. The holy night of squeezing two souls into one!

SO, yea, let me enjoy the colors, the mockery, the food and definitely the comments, “I will be single my whole life if I won’t shed some weight” Like that’s your concern granny gi!

Ciao, I am blessed to have my secret moments of ranting since I may be a huge blob of fat, but I am certainly not a superhuman who can stuff all the emotions in!

Thanks for listening to me Blog! I love you 🙂

Weighted clouds

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glistening through creaks
is new dawn, enticingly waking up
from slumbers and yawn,
cutting up lemon, juicing the sun.
stretching limbs into ashes and embers
of yesterday’s night, still burning
a slow flame, scattering flavored aroma…

I’m still unsure, as the sun rise up;
contemplating my smile,
eagerly marinating me.
I cup my arms to his laughter
drinking in the splendor, But,
I’m still unsure
Of why am I alive!
even after the broken pieces,
shattered to one last atom…

I still eulogies about my past
like its glittery as the stars,
when, its dull like the ash clouds
ready to break up and pour.

She…

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Lovely green has always been her color, whatever she got to do with clothes or adventure will be opted for green. Delightful pedriot is her favorite of all and she has a set of jewelry that she wears for all her outfits.

Dancing to the rhythm of rain was her favorite and she always went for trekking in the rain whenever she got the chance. She was different, that was the first thing her mother said when she opened her eyes, because it was a lovely set of opaque crystals and lately as she grew up it was a tinge of azure overcoming emerald. She was different.

Running around in baggy jeans parrot green tank top, she smiles and pull her cap sideways just like the kids on the corner do. Keeping to her heels will be that willful puppy equally jumpy as her mistress and she was named after the silky fur, pearl. Pearl was a melodramatic puppy playing with her and whining at teary scenes in the TV, just to make her mistress laugh and those tiny amber eyes glint, broadening her jaws making it as if she is smiling.

Polished gems was eyesores for her, (unnamed because she is important that a name), just like the gems set on display. She would stare at the pieces taking time to study and sigh and leave the store. Tim, the jeweler laugh at her jokingly and say, “someday little pearl, your mistress shall get a handsome gemstone.”

Her life is full of hopes, and ambition to be anything just to prove herself. In the meantime she is a loner in public. But, inside she is a great art piece of wonderful masterpiece. Waiting for a chance to strike, waiting for the day when she can be public, waiting for the apt time to gather her spirits and jump. But she is doing a mistake of waiting for the apt time. The time is now and the day is yours, never wait for the chance to strike because opportunity in ones life is something we create, not something knocking a our door.

“Like someday that wont come now, make today the day of spotlight!”