…and my cries died in the wails of nature’s misery…

 

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I am bound by the cartilage of winter’s eerily molded teardrops that drop once in a while as if a reminder pinning on my eyelashes saying, careful- my family’s on the way to cheer you up this dull gray morning.

As if that doesn’t deprive me of the beautiful things that I could be but didn’t choose to.

The dawn does weep Christmas wishes and I hear laughter echoing through the plain walls of my house, from miles apart; and the unmistakable giggling of over enthusiastic children.

My heart couldn’t bear anymore the rhyming of two rhythmic soul’s catapulting in each other’s calligraphic aura through rosy hues.

I draw unbroken heart shapes in the breath of ‘nature’s’ long echoing sigh on my bleary window but was easily mastered by another wave of agonizing misery of her wailings.

I lost the last heart again.

And after umpteenth effort, I stretch my sleeves hard enough to cover my finger tips listening numbly to the ripping of my heart. This sweater covering my feeble body from the desecrated cold has seen its better days. So, I ignore her protest in wanting to cover my fingers.

Somehow I feel like a mannequin stuck inside a clock; unable to move without being slapped by the needles.

And you are a parchment paper in which I have written my suicide notes as a will to the roses that have stopped whispering my name in your hands… but you give me them anyways since you can’t bear the thought of the thorn piercing into your bones, tattooing my tragedy.

Dear silence, bid me farewell to the moon where shadows don’t backbite and bicker.

Let me paint melancholy in the desolate part of the night sky and die a bluish death… so that I can smile happily believing that I just stopped becoming a story as the ink died in my veins.

Hello blog.

 
I’m not sure what am I supposed to write today. No, I don’t know what I should ever write. There is too much to say in my mind. Not to someone, you see. I mean the things that I want to say is not to someone but myself.
You see, people are strange creatures. No matter how hard we try to impress, they mock us. No matter how pressingly we address the issue, there will be something to put us to shame. No matter how hard you try to express your emotions; whatever it may be, sadness, grief, guilt, anger, pain…. no matter what emotions… they either act as if they understood or they might give us the pity stare and then they will laugh behind our back.

So, I have stopped talking and started being silly and laughing queen. So, you know what they say about me? I am so happy… ok, I can live with that. But they also say, ‘she is so stupid. Why can’t she act her age?‘ wow!¡ That’s… wow…

I just don’t know blog… life is too damn straight at times that er just go with the flow and suddenly we alone are hit with a huge barricade and we are forced to see… everyone else that was with me; to climb the mountain and reach somewhere. But for me? I am forced to take the helluva roller coaster ride with damn too many twists and turn.

Sometimes, I just quit… I just can’t.

And when I read about articles that should help me… I am confused even more. Not satisfied. How am I supposed to create positive thinking and live with it when all I ever have is bad… bad thoughts?

But no matter how horrible the day and life may be… I have learned to smile and laugh in the end and then cry when I am in the darkness; alone.

Life can be as bad as anything but I will go on as long as I can tape the broken pieces of my heart together.

Meet you again blogg 🙂

Whoops, its wedding season here!

Featured Image -- 209Note to myself, this pic here!:D

True to my word, it is marriage season here in my part of the world. 😀 And I am seriously wondering how am I going to attend it all. It started from last week and it drags on to the last day of December and if I am right, I am sure I have a marriage in January.

wow, right?

Nope!

seriously, nope! Since I am already in the fat department, from the moment I can remember my body! may I add! All the food and wonders will only gain weight to my already weighted body and seriously, I am not entirely excited about all these marriages!

I mean, its fun, and its free food! But other than that, I have to face the mocking faces, the stupid questions, indirect insults on my body and direct mockery to the food I eat! Dang, I am one body shielding from too many bodies. Damn, I need the energy.

Though I have been fat my entire life and I am twenty-two now, so yea! Long period, and my dream, the foremost dream was to experience how it is to be slim! WOW, big ambition, yes, it is! I don’t want to be a doctor, I don’t want to be a business legend! I want to experience how it is to be slim and dress casually without fearing the bulging eye under my arms, on my belly and two pillars of my thighs! So, what was I gonna say!? Yes, though I have been fat my entire life and have been enjoying people’s damn comments on my body… I am strong and never… I repeat, never droop my head low and cry because of my fate.

I am fat, big deal! You are thin, so? So… If there are any people who are sorry for themselves for being fat… STOP PITYING YOURSELF! If you are fat because you can’t keep your mouth shut from fattening foods, then I should say, you really need to consider yourself! I am not blaming you not mocking you or anything. I am just saying you have a chance to be beyoutiful and healthy at the same time. It’s awesome to be yourself but it’s dope to be healthy and yourself, right?! I am sorry, I am not good at getting my points in the right directions! SO, don’t feel offended or anything! I am overly fat, so I know how it feels to stuff that next mouthful and promising that we will stop right then! 😉 I am in the unfortunate few who are fat from the beginning and have never been able to shed at least a few!  I think I am having some kind of virus to gain fat every few weeks :)) But trying is the new synonym for success! 😉

SO, where were we? Marriage! Yes. The holy night of squeezing two souls into one!

SO, yea, let me enjoy the colors, the mockery, the food and definitely the comments, “I will be single my whole life if I won’t shed some weight” Like that’s your concern granny gi!

Ciao, I am blessed to have my secret moments of ranting since I may be a huge blob of fat, but I am certainly not a superhuman who can stuff all the emotions in!

Thanks for listening to me Blog! I love you 🙂

City Silhouette

 

dusty pendulums

craft unhinged rhythm,

scattering seams of tarnished jokes

and level headed gossips

through thick glasses,

resting on top of his

shining egg;

boiling with perfection

in the heat of morning news

and crisp bacon

 

broken bottles narrate a forlorn tale

as kids with mountain on their head

and pant skidding below the waist line

bubble up with anticipation

screaming profanities

to the street lamp, flickering.

 

a dog slowly meander

through the many rivulets of garbage

lining the sidewalk

where a man with ragged clothes

and heavy breath

leisurely rests with smoke

spiraling out like white serpents

with vengeance

 

traffic lights chase speeding cars

puffing dark poison

through pipes of exhaustion,

as they run impetuously

through the many degrees of life.

 

the blanket is pulled on and off

as the sky switches day and night

rapidly.

 

the wind pulls leaves out

and hem of their clothes

as they sway in harmony

and hoarse breaths

 

a coffee rests

on top of the red benches facing the scattering

crowds;

the smoke swirls

mimicking ballerinas

as they narrate the tale

of this sleepless town

 

pen whisks images

on papers as the morning lark

sings indolently

to the hot Monday morning.

I’m not a mourner you know!

i.

I listened;
waiting for shackled breaths
to billow out whispers,
deflating reminders
of our 4am’s phantom kisses.

With chain-linked apologies,
I watched you
fold nostalgia
into sun-burnt smiles
and wipe away the
translucent intentions
like it were the
ashes of our memories
that needed dusting.

ii

plastering dead breaths
upon cold walls of
waxed glances
I etch bamboo tattoos
from flowerpot daydreams
onto your skin

only to remind me
of the front-porch gossip;
and then your perfume
clogged me once again.

iii

Coined regrets
wrapped references
and my milkshakes melted
upon tabletops
waiting to dissolve
the two-stepping answers;
and sluice off the mess
that ruptured my heart.

iv.

Braiding days afresh
away from cremated memories
was strenuous
yet, my seat-belted pride
folded memories
and haunting scars
into paper wishes
deflating them into ether;

erasing decadent persuasions
of a poisoned tongue,
I smiled to the back-alley handshakes
which promised me new inception.

Always Smile…

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It’s not easy for me to be sane, almost touching the insane spectrum of my cerebrum, inviting thoughts of dangerous catastrophe, I was made a fool to be laughing and smiling when the inside of me was burning. You might think of my smile as being stupid and accepting the world as it is, but, inside I am worrying about the inside and I don’t care what catch my exterior portrays. It is always easy for you to break a laugh and ignite fuel, but, it is not easy for you to stare in the eyes and understand… why the smile never leave her face.

Some calls me cheesy and some say I am down right stupid, I didn’t care as long as they-the superior realm of never understanding minds, never intrude my perfectly bombastic life.

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The walls are closing in on me and I wonder, what makes the world perfect. Nothing, the world is never perfect and nor are the person wafting embodiment of perfection. Looking close, I can see the charm under thick shade of concealer looking like a ghost skin. Perfectly concealed from the face of earth, and I wonder… I am concealing my imperfection with a natural specimen and it’s Smile… why do I have to beg the need of make-up when it shows the unnatural beauty of me? I am made beauty by the hands of the creator and I am made me to be me, so, I never turn to the liars…make-up, and I close my eyes and smile to the nothingness of this world, the beauty of nothingness. Leaving behind the words of the liars to float in thin air.

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It is always beautiful to conceal our self a bit and portray what’s needed to be seen, otherwise what’s the fun in not letting the people Gossip?

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Yellow Garden.

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deep down the muddy round
is a place surrounded by yellow woods
slowly as the melon sun
rises from its fluffy bed
the place glisten like golden threads
and its where I rest my heart

verses flow like liquid gold
and I enunciate my sad sad song
singing to the rhythm of dandelions
and the foxglove frolics lusciously

my heart years to be like the marigold
in between honey drops, wafting a fragrance
and I melts down into the pool of tulips

dancing in the primrose garden
I hear the robin perching above me
autumn has gathered the spirits to yellow
and I feel the amber slowly forming

in this wood, lay my secrets
upon stones and bark and snowdrops
my words are etched too deep in this woods
and never will I go tarnished

roses, snapdragons and all that gold
shines in my armor and sings a song
never will I be alone in this woods
and my legacies will be sung eternally.