In the haze of fitness pleasure, my mind dwindled and I wanted to rant on about a moment, that I felt…..if only death would have been better. And in that dwindled hope, did I charm out myself in the dark hole of my own insecurities and I cuddled myself like a cricket ball and rolled back and forth, with only the feel of darkness hugging back.
I know the lines just came about and I don’t bother to check back and find the typos and for a person, who is looking for poetic details, shall not find any. Or maybe, I… without proper knowledge in English, will find myself too good but actually I was not even aware of the adjectives and noun I was placing. Language for me is the way of communication and I learned this foreign language with extensive reading and I am happy. Even though when my poems get applause, they usually say, you’re use of metaphors and placing of adjectives is astounding and I will be like wondering where this so called thing is? I know, even after reading this “mind vomit” people will applaud for either my way of saying unique things raw or my use of poetic details was immaculate, but either way I was meaning only my hurt and it was an accident that it came out gladly.
Freezing and sweating is a common thing happening to me, and I know not what to do of my body. My eating has rapidly changed course and I eat when I emotionally stressed and I never look at the portion. Thus resulting my curves and when I want to go out, the street will be all eyes peering in on me, saying, so warmly about my marriage and their affinity tugs a chord, but I have to smile….wildly and warmly…otherwise they will doubt some superstitious beliefs and I will in a deep hole of my own doubts.
It is not funny when my head slam too close to my screen and my fingers clinking away my rant, I feel uncomfortable…but, I have to vomit mentally otherwise I feel nauseated and want to end vaguely without any reason. Remember…social charms. To them, I am as happy as a parrot with a biscuit, chanting mantras and fluting songs to their liking… Never shall they realize my heart, full of load, unable to dump because of society and then I mentally plan a poem with words raw and immaculate, leading to be a perfect anthem of mine and I sing it much too often in my brain, that I instantly snitch to a bloke, so hard that ‘a’ will never fit with a flower.
Besides the sun that sets in my heart always and never even bothering to let the moon rise for a nocturnal splendor, my heart is always dark and weary with memories too hard to digest and it stays bloated in my heart and my heart farts, shamelessly…loving each moment when a gold is right by its side. But, even them I realized, in AP, comment and acceptance is the king, thus the power of spotlight. Even if you have fifty medals in fifty contests, you will never receive a spotlight unless you have fifty comments with acceptance that shall nominate you and push you forth.
This has been pretty much the going on nowadays and I shamelessly and proudly say…ap spoiled me, in a good way.