I am still not sure why am I here!!!
I know I started this blog due to frustration and my poetry didn’t help me like it used to once. I wanted to be a writer and earn money from that.But it is not easy and I know my English is not what they wish to read.
Ok, let’s be real here for once. I am sure I started this blog to shine amongst my friends who didn’t even know blogging or how to blog which got me super excited. However, unlike I expected, they were least interested in what I had found out new since they were only experienced with Facebook and WhatsApp. Not even Instagram! Oh, it was years back 😉
Thus, I became disinterested. Becuase hey, I was not experienced yet or was I passionate about this. I was merely focussed on shining. The joke!
Well then, slowly I came to read many blogs and people blogging awesome stuff only as a personal diary and I became interested once again. Slowly, I started learning new stuff and I was deeply interested. At then I was doing the blogger thing by Google. After few years of blogging there with my poems, I became dissatisfied with everything. After being famous on Facebook and blogger, I slowly removed myself and became dormant once again.
It was a few years later, I started writing again on Allpoetry and came to know about WordPress. I started out immediately. I loved writing on WordPress but, I didn’t know what to write and how to do it. I quit again.
I have had a lot of situations which made me want to end life and I always felt like this is all going wrong and I can’t bear with it. But, I had to go on because of my mother.
Never had I thought otherwise whenever I look at her, she is my angel and the only power making me wanna live again, she showed me god is great and whatever may strike but he won’t let us go astray.
That inspired me again and started to write again. And never stopped since. In between that moment I came to know about Wattpad and fell in love with writing stories. When I am hit with many hurdles, pain, stress, emotions, depression; writing has helped me unlike anything and I am glad for that. Not even music helped.
Writing helped me.
Now, that I have started this blog once again, I write my heart as a diary. Whenever I see, like, feel, think, do, I write it out. Knowing at times that what I write was utter stupidity, I continue doing it. I go through blogs like girls go through clothes 😉 silly and cliche, I know. I was trying to make it look interesting and failed again. Well, going through it all, I will be like, I will start to write something like that tomorrow but… I end up writing poetry which is my safe haven.
Tangled emotions and a web of nightmares.
You see, this is the problem. I am not stable and I don’t stay in one place. I want to move and keep my mind occupied or else I feel undigested, constipated and angry. I feel like everything is going to end and everything is not what it seems. “Sigh”… Everything happens for a reason and now I am looking for a fixed north star to shoot and aim for the best. But, end up in the dirt and start all over again.
Until then, my mixed emotive palette shall paint something bizarre; that my mushy brain shall look around for a loop-hole. To escape. To survive. I love being loud and I love being random… But, I hate being inconsistent and confused.
So, here it is. What I guess is… my way of releasing my emotions. Writing is my therapy as I consider it. And poetry is my only solace.